5 weeks in to seminary... What has God been teaching me

            After reviewing the readings, lectures, small group discussions, and my journal entries I have come to the conclusion that the major theme for me, thus far in the semester is “change”. In such a short time at PTS I have already been challenged more than I could have imagined. What I have discovered through prayer, seeking wise council, and deep thought is that I need not to run from these challenges, but face them head on with a sense of openness. Among this major theme there are some underlining themes that merge greatly with change. Those are openness (which I have already mentioned) discipleship, rule of life, and finding the literal meaning of scripture. These themes I will elaborate on, and will help explain just how much God has changed me thus far.

            What I am learning all too well is that I cannot truly experience change without openness, and in the same sense, openness means nothing if I do not let it provide a road for transformation. Esther de Waal puts it like this, “We cannot think of life as a journey without accepting that it must involve change and growth.” [1] No matter where I am in life I pay close attention to those around me and how they interact with the challenges of life. The mindset of the Church in general today is to prepare their members to run as fast as they can from those who may have a different point of views. Subsequently, in these Church settings one may be praised if he/she were to demonize the other views while claiming to stand on the truth. This was the trend I noticed within most if not all the churches I was on staff or attended. Whether I was aware or not, this false narrative had been ingrained inside of me in such a very short time. What seminary is doing is driving me through lectures, conferences and lunches. I now listen to those who have a different understanding and world view then I. It is also to be noted that these people have much more knowledge and experience then I do. Consequently, their explanations have much more substance than my narrow understanding of the truth. I am not claiming perfection on their part but I am recognizing they have more wisdom. Nevertheless, having to listen to them has proved a tough challenge for me. I can no longer run to my safe secure thoughts and set formula of truths. My place of safety, I now see, was not more than a store house of deception. I believe St. Anselm gets to the heart of this when he prays, “To feel safe is unreal, a delusion of self, [but] knowing we do not know is, the only certainty”[2]. This rings very true for me and cries for openness to what God is doing in my life.

            What helped further explain change, and also affirmed openness, was Casey’s definition of discipleship. He suggests ideas of following, imitation, likeness, and participation. As far as I am concerned, this seeps out metaphors of openness and change. Perhaps, this term, I am learning how to be a true disciple. This is very important. As Casey explains, “In the first phases of apprenticeship, the disciple’s task is simply to obey.”[3] From my experiences in athletics I know one needs to be open to what those in the position of authority are teaching them for obedience to work. In football it is not possible to close one self to what the coach is teaching. If a player were to wonder off and do their own thing they would not be successful and would not get to play in the game. I am learning discipleship for me, is to put off whatever I thought I knew coming into seminary, and be open to the wise, more polished minds. Jesus has placed these men and women in my life not so I can disagree and adhere what I have always believed, but so I can fully put my feet in their shoes and learn from them. Casey also explains discipleship “means abandoning their own judgments and preferences and choosing to be governed by another- at least, to some extent.[4]” It is a matter of death to myself. In finding life through Christ I am learning how to die properly.

            The Lord helped assert these things with powerful words for me earlier in the semester while I was practicing lectio. My Spiritual formation teacher told us if we had trouble with authority to read Matthew[5]. I thought I fit the so I ventured into the Gospel. I wandered across the “Parable of the Sower” and felt lead into the story. I read slowly and looked for words that stuck out. It was evident that the word “listen” was one of the powerful words, as if the Lord told me I need to listen to him. I focused on listing. When I returned to the scripture to practice Lectio the Lord spoke boldly and clearly to me. Jesus was approached by His disciples and asked why He chose to speak in parables to the crowd. Jesus replies, “This is why I speak to them in parables: Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.”[6] This statement struck me because I felt that perhaps I was one of those about whom Isaiah was prophesizing and Jesus was referring to. That was a very uncomfortable feeling so I asked, “Lord what must I do to perceive, to listen? How do I do these things?” The Lord answered, “I am right in front of you. I am speaking to you daily, but you do not want to come to me because I will correct your wrong ways and make them right. You do not perceive or listen to me because you have made the choices to go your own way. You no longer follow me. You have created your own path but I am the way the truth and the life. You know this and it has been revealed to you many times before.” As I was overwhelmed by the boldness and truth of the Lord I tried to plea, “You are all to right Lord, I am sorry”. However the Lord gave a profound answer, “I did not call you to be sorry, but to repent to turn back to me in the face of your failures. I call you to believe in me once again like I believe in you now. Repent the Kingdom of God is at hand.”[7] The Lord was calling me to change my mind. He was calling me to be open to what he was trying to do in my life. I was blocking His voice out so he told me to listen, then once I was ready he spoke clearly. This openness to discipleship has led me to a deeper love. This deep love has encouraged me to be more disciplined in the time I set out each day to spend with the Lord. This is where my Rule of Life enters in.

            A short entry in my Journal helps to explain my struggle with seminary, learning new things and realizing that it is essential to develop a rule of life:

            To go about spending time with the Lord, How do I do? To look in the face of biblical criticism and still see the light is beyond my own strength. To have the fear of asking hard questions about the Bible forced out of me is forcefully painful. To wonder what I believe anymore is scary. Despite all my questions, doubts, concerns when it comes to the Bible I still feel lead to seek God. It’s as if I’m fighting my reason, to hold on to faith? Or perhaps I am reasoning my way to faith? Or even my faith is almost gone and out of habit I run back to God? Or in fact it is God Himself who has faith in Himself as Lord, and I the weak minded man I am being lead vicariously through God’s on faith to keep moving forward? Yea that’s it. It is because of the Lord I am hanging on. If not for Him and the many people praying for me right now I would walk away from the faith and the love, for my own selfish interests. All that being said I need a rule of faith. Some type of routine that the Lord and I have to figure out together.[8]

 

I am finding that the rule of life was not to be forced upon me. Anyone who has led me to feel as if I had to do some type of rule only led to a poor attempt to be a good. Certainly without first understanding the concept of openness and the willingness I should not have been expected to have a successful rule. This rule should be a response to the work of God in my life and not the work of someone else’s words. Nevertheless, this yearning for the rule stems from a desire to begin the process of truly being like Christ. It is an aim at perfection. When Jesus is praying for those who will believe in Him in the future He says, “I have given them glory that You gave me, that they may be as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” [9] This is what I desire, to be a fulfillment to the prayer of Jesus. To be in complete unity or as the NKJV presents it “perfection” with God. This is why during the semester I have felt such a strong calling to the Rule. One other reason, was the explanation of Rev. Janet. When she addressed the class, during her wonderful presentation, she explained that every Christian feels led to every kind of injustice that surrounds us. The reason for a rule of life merged with Lectio is for God to be able to direct us in the one or two of ministers that best fit our gifts. She also explained how she has prayer times three times a day to make sure that she is connected with God.[10] It was powerful, and powerful enough to lead me to implementing that aspect of her routine into my life.

            The last theme deals with the Word of God and proper study of the bible to influence my personal reading time. This is something that I have not yet developed into a proper routine, but I know it is all too important when it comes to right understanding. Casey quotes Berno of Reichenau, who says, “Prudent reader, always beware of a superstitious understanding. Do not try to accommodate the Scriptures to your own meanings or add your own meanings to the Scriptures.”[11] The very thought of adding myself to Scripture is disheartening. Therefore, out of respect for God and those who I will be called to serve someday it is my duty to ensure that I have a proper understanding of context, history and culture. This is the heart of scripture. When people open the Bible all they see is black and white, however one who digs into the text and looks to devour finds how colorful those pages can be. I look forward to developing a routine of full Bible study and I am glad the importance of this type of study has been revealed to me.

            These concepts and themes mentioned here are all affirm how the Lord is changing me. They show that openness, discipleship, a Rule of Life and, proper reading of Scripture are necessary aspects of this change taking full affect. Though it may not have shown fully, this is a tough process. However, that does not change the fact that is a worthwhile process. If I can hold tight to what I am learning while being open to the rest of the material this term the sky is the limit for the transformation that can occur. This is a journey and as stated earlier “We cannot think of life as a journey without accepting that it must involve change and growth.” I look forward to more change and growth throughout this term, this year, and all the years to come.  

I'd love to connect with you on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DamianLBerry

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[1] Casey, Michael. Sacred reading: the ancient art of Lectio Divina. (Liguori, Mo.: Triumph Books, 1996), 69.

[2] Waal, Esther. Seeking God: the way of St. Benedict. (Collegeville, Minn.: Liturgical Press, 1984.), 82.

[3] Casey, Sacred reading, 37

[4] Casey, Sacred reading, 37

[5] Martha Robbins, “PTS Spiritual Formation Courses” (Lecture 1, Pittsburgh, PA, September 10, 2012)

[6] Matt. 13:13 (NIV)

[7] Damian Berry, “Personal Journal entry” (September 22, 2012)

[8] Damian Berry, “Personal Journal entry” (September 27, 2012)

[9] John 17:22-33

[10] Rev. Janet Hellner-Burris, “Wilkinsburg Christian Church” (Lecture, Pittsburgh, PA, October 1, 2012)

[11] Casey, Sacred reading, 63

A Book Review on "Bonhoeffer"

Anyone who truly seeks to live a life devoted to Christ and especially anyone who is called to ministry should seek to discover the beauty of “Bonhoeffer”. The book at first glances appears to be dry, long, and uninteresting with the length proving to be quite intimidating (I mean we are trained to only read 140 characters; thanks Twitter). However, as soon as one ventures past the table of contents they find themselves in a world of escapade. Eric Metaxes’ research is outstanding and the details help you paint a life like picture of Dietrich Bonhoeffer from childhood to martyr. One of the most entertaining aspects of the book is Bonhoeffer’s own person letters. Theses really help anyone reading the book develop a strong understanding of Bonhoeffer’s thoughts at any time in the course of his life.


The reason I feel every Christian should read this is because it draws one to a deeper understanding of belief in God. It raises many “what if” questions. These questions can reside far from reality in the eyes of most without a proper understanding of these situations. It made me draw upon the question, am I a Christian American, or am I an American Christian? My desire is to answer this question with neither and say that I am simply a Christian that lives in America (Christianity is Universal). However, this was not the case for the German Church during these dreadful years. The so called German Christians were rising up in the heart of Germany justifying the very evils of the Nazi regime by false interpretation of the scripture and restatements of important documents. On the other hand, one can’t deny that these men had good intentions. A favorite singer of mine ones said, “good intentions never set a man free” and that is so true. They were “Self respecting Christians who where patriotic and proud of their country”. Sound familiar?

“If I had been a Jew and had seen such dolts and blockheads govern and teach the Christian faith, I would sooner have become a hog than a Christian.” Martin Luther p. 88

So as the German Christians are giving into the hype, or choosing to remain indifferent by chosen ignorance, there is a small minority who can’t justify the evil of persecuting a race of people and claiming that one race is superior to another. (I might add that at this very time the water fountains, restrooms, schools, restaurants, etc. where segregated in the United States so, we have no place to judge.) Among this group of outcast Christians in Germany was Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was perhaps the most consistent and out spoken critic of the Nazi regime on Christian ground. Hitler and the Nazis claimed to be Christians for political gain, but hated the humility and selflessness of those who follow Christ.

“It’s been our misfortune to have the wrong religion. Why didn’t we have the religion of the Japanese, who regard sacrifice for the Fatherland as the biggest good? The Mohammedan religion too would have been much more compatible to us than Christianity. Why did it have to be Christianity with its meekness and flabbiness?” Hitler p. 165

Bonhoeffer and a handful of others saw the extreme contradiction and stood up for true Christianity. On the contrary, where the handful tried to give Hitler the benefit of the doubt, and hope to convert him, Bonhoeffer stood his ground. When his close friends believed that he was to extreme with his views and sermons, he did not budge. Bonhoeffer was a man of faith when the whole world even other Christians stood against him.

“It is high time we broke with our theologically based restraint towards the state’s actions- which, after all, is only fear. “Speak out for those who cannot speak.” Who in the Church today realize that this is the very least the Bible requires of us?”  p.246

It’s easy to look at the work and actions of Bonhoeffer and believe that if put in the same positions as the great theologians one would have acted in the same way. The interesting thing is that a great majority of Christians in America would say that now. But as I stated earlier, there were only a handful of Christians who stood up to the Nazis and some were unsure about how hard to stand against the regime because of the success of the country. The Nations of Germany was brain washed. They stood back and watched while millions of Jews were killed.

The only way to judge if one was willing to stand up for the Gospel as Bonhoeffer did, is to use current situations as an example. It is easy to say that we are not in the same situation as Germany, but to say so is to be ignorant to evil and remain indifferent to the evils in our world. When we have 27 million modern day slaves, I want you to ask yourself, are you taking a stand against it? When 400-600 teenagers in Wichita (or any major city) are at risk everyday to being captured and forced into sex slavery how are you making a difference? When every year millions of lives are being taken and justified because they are categorized as unborn do you remain indifferent? Those who are like me and marvel at the faith of a man like Bonhoeffer and long to “Speak out for those who cannot speak” have our chance in this world. My question to myself and everyone else is a question in which Bonhoeffer concluded a speech to his Berlin students at a youth conference, “What are you waiting for the time is late?”(p.242).

My favorite section of the book was Bonhoeffer’s first trip to America. Believe it or not, Bonhoeffer struggled quite a bit in his search for a real fundamental presentation of the Gospel. It didn’t help that his place of study was Union theological Seminary in New York City. Those who know of seminaries know that Union is very liberal in its interpretation of Scripture and that is not how Bonhoeffer believed the bible should be understood. The book portrays Bonhoeffer as almost feeling sorry for the American Church stating, “There is no theology here” (p.101). Early in his trip Bonhoeffer wrote this about the New Your City preaching style, “In New York they preach about virtually everything, only one thing is not addressed, or is addressed so rarely, that I have as yet been unable to hear it, namely, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the cross, sin and forgiveness, death and life” (p.106).

Bonhoeffer’s saving grace for the American church was the African-American Church in Harlem. Filled with elders who were once slaves under American law, there was a stern sense of suffering. Eric Metaxes put it this way, “Bonhoeffer’s experiences with the African American community underscored an idea that was developing in his mind: the only real piety and power that he had seen in the American church seemed to be in the churches where there were a present reality and a past history of suffering.” In reading this I am reminded of Jesus’ own words, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” This time in American proved to be the Exodus for Black American’s so one (myself include since I am black) can understand the strong sense of hope in Christ that must have been experienced by the African-American Churches during the time Bonhoeffer was in America. It also makes sense that the Black Church would hold on to every bit of the Gospel. The community as a whole knew that God was their only hope to escape this slavery so they would cling to him with every bit of their soul.

Of course this is only a brief summary of the biography “Bonhoeffer”. What about the others who were with Bonhoeffer, his family or even how he came to the conclusion that attempting to assassinate Hitler was the right thing to do, and his short lived love story? This is just something you will have to read for yourself. This book is one that I am sure I will read again and has shaped the way I will follow Jesus forever. Perhaps the one reason this book draws me in so deeply, is because Bonhoeffer was not willing to die for what he thought was right; instead he gave his life for that which Christ believed is right. For me, as a man who is after God’s own heart, that is the common accord I will stand for as well.

I'd love to connect with you on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DamianLBerry