Or not…? I have attempted to write like this before, and then I stop myself. Perhaps, out of fear. Fear of what you might ask. I’m not quite sure, but if I had to guess it would be fear of helping the reader affirm what it is I already know to be so true. That I am not perfect or even more so that I fail so hard and the things I want to succeed at the most. On top of that, the standards set by internet trolls stand as incomprehensible. The bloggers, the vloggers, the commenters, the cable news voices paint such a definite perception of judgement that I would much rather just keep my thoughts to myself and drown in uncertainty rather than expose myself to the unrelenting judgement of the world.
Still, taking into account my faith and occupation I am obviously supposed to seek counsel, wise as it may be, nevertheless I have such a hard time doing so. Why? Because there is such a wide divisions in truth claims and expectations of what one is to believe, that I would much rather read the text for myself and seeks old theological heads to help me discern rather than trust inconsistent faith voices today. The majority of which are plagued by corrupt politics and secular intellectualism that all ties to the early community of believers seem to be diminished save the name. The irony of scholars with the same credentials in the same field of study drawing two completely different conclusions overwhelms me with hopelessness. If I were a fool I would draw the conclusion that based on a study of humanities inconsistency there was no such thing as complete truth, but with all my shortcomings and past failures I have come to understand that truth is very much a reality, it is the people who play the role of the phony sham. Nonetheless, even with this deeply held belief I find it hard to find hope in humanity.
Another worry of mine is the concept of mentorship. It should be obvious to all who swear the practice that mentorship is chiseled to a bogus idealist concept, if not nurtured by intentional consistency that first takes time to understand the person before then working long time to help shape and form. Good intentions from people who jump into commitments with no intent of longevity do nothing to help the other and in fact may further damage the individual needing to be mentored with half-hearted solutions to real problems, with no explanations of the solution and how it is to fit into the uniqueness of the specified situation the mentored person finds them self in. Such half-hearted efforts and false commitment leads me to proclaim that I would much rather save the heartache of unfulfilled promised of fallen people and keep to myself the things a mentor and wise advice could resolve so easily with lived experience and reflections.
These are only a few things that weigh on my heart. And since it appears that things are declining quickly I see no reason to keep them in. I hope this has been revealed in a gathered classy way as one of my pet peeves is people who air their issues on social media as if they were spilling their heart to daytime talk show host. I’ve given just enough to not burden those who don’t care, with unnecessary embarrassing details, saving them from the temptation to gospel and slander, but also for those who may see past these wordy explanations, to the heart of the issues to press further the issue. Ye be warned my walls stand as tall of those that once stood in Jericho and only a miracle will get them crashing down. If you don’t have the energy don’t bother save pray and petition.
